His name was Andre.
For three years they dated, loved, dreamed, and planned a marriage...as so often happens, they hit a rough patch and broke apart...
however, through a connection, they kept in touch..
So how to gently heal this broken romance?
They came up with a plan to use a notebook, hidden on top of "their" mountain overlooking the Hudson River..maybe, just maybe, through this communication their relationship would come together again.
So, from the notebook, wrapped to protect it's treasured words from the rain, then finally cradled in a metal box on top of "their" mountain...word for word:
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1
To Andre:
This is probably the craziest idea/concept ever and yet I still hope you come and participate.
I sit up here listening to the wind blow, to the sounds of the birds.
A young lady came up here before, she said wow, isn't this beautiful..and I thought, yes, it is my 8th world wonder.
It amazes me how peaceful I can feel up here. Nothing but the power of pen and notebook. It was all I ever wanted, a pen and paper.
We've said our goodbyes and yet, this is where I believe we can continue our words to each other.
Whether you want to leave a letter, quote, or lesson...it doesn't matter.
This was our spot, always will be.
I am the wind when you're up here alone. You feel it? That's me!
What is your biggest fear? Biggest regret?
I hope you decided to come to write your thoughts to me. I hope you find as much comfort in doing this as I do. And if nothing else, walking up the hill will give us exercise.
So, now as I close my eyes and listen, I open and see the tree hanging over the edge. "What I would do to be that tree, to watch the sunrise in the morning and sunset at night and feel no pain".
Some one once said that, so as I walk through my days I pretend to be that tree and feel no pain, but am I human then...if I don't feel the pain?
Just rambling hope you ramble back...
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2
Andre writes:
Day's are short, and nights long.
This mountain my savior.
This rock my comfort.
This tree...my inner peace.
The feeling here is close to nothing, far but near, small but great.
I arrive here and immediately reach for the grass. Pull it from the roots. With it, I am free.
I have lost all sin, all regrets.
I look to the clouds as they dance with the wind. I see your face.....
You ask me what regrets I may have, I fear there are none. Regrets are for times of need, I need not...I have you.
I seek your written words off the edge of this mountain, as though I can hear them whisper in the wind. I turn and expect to see you rise in the background. And I feel you on my neck....
It is you, the wind, drying tears from my face.
God, I love you so much.
You blow furiously today, I worry, are you okay?
We can't understand why we pull to each other so much. Neither should we try to figure it out.
There is a place for us both and we're here.
A helicopter flies over the sky. I yearn to grab it, but fear falling off this mountain.
Hey, how are you? I miss you! I know it hurts you when I say that, but you can't really stop me, ha.
Another rough day today, fine at work, fine at home, lonely at life. Not confused, I know what I want.
My fear is that I can't have my happiness and so my smiles are fake and so my laugh.
This really is a great place, this is "our's".
Here and everywhere, I am yours.
I look to the sky, and scream..
I am at your mercy, do with me what you please...and as a miracle..the drops begin to fall.
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3
To Andre:
As the tears stream down my face, I wonder why make this so hard?
Why search the world, when you used to hold the world?
Why search for answers, when the answers used to be so close?
I walked up this mountain and prayed for a writing. I look around, it is almost dark and all that awaits me is a walk down in the dark.
I look up, the clouds moving so fast. I hear that helicopter, it is flying about me, yet I just look and stare, for it is so far away, so out of my reach.
Tomorrow, your birthday. Such a beautiful day 24 years ago, God created beauty. He created a man. A man of complete beauty. A man who searches the world for answers, yet finds none.
It is not quiet up here today.
I hear your yell.
You say I blow furiously and you are right, for my smiles are fakes and my tears real. My heart cold, my body aching (but then again I'm still getting in shape, walking up this mountain, so I expect the ache will go away).
I keep looking left, wondering, one day, will we come up the hill at the same time? Will we just stare at each other with no words because in here are our words?
The wind keeps pushing that tree, yet he stands firm and strong.
My words today, are all over the place, my heart racing, for my thoughts to make sense and my mind disagreeing. Seems true, I have only been sleeping short hours, but this place, right here...I could sleep..with the wind and birds and earth and this book.
This book is my savor...
And God speaks again..the rain drops slowly drip and the clouds are still moving fast...yet in the distance I see blue. A deer stomps it's foot at me and my heart scares. I stand because of my fear and the deer runs away. Danger looked straight on and the wind scared it away.
I walk scared down the hill back to my reality.
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4
To Andre:
This was all I could find for the time being. I will try to get a metal box to protect it from the rain.
This is my second time up here to try and protect this book.
It is beautiful right now, my words could talk forever but the sun is slowly fading and the walk down will be dark.
Hope this works for the time being, you've yet to read the words I previously had written...so tonight I leave speechless on this page.
The dark has set and I am headed down.
I hope your birthday was enjoyable.
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5
To Andre:
Alone!
You're no where to be found, not even in this book!
I blow soft today with not many words to speak.
The sun finally out. I watch a sail boat drift and think how you always wanted one. Then I think how I always wanted the speed boat.
Why do I always want fast? Sometimes I just want to stop...take a look around and then I realize...wait...that is what I am doing right now.
I really find myself empty, with no thoughts today.
And there, the tear, ah...I feel better!
Where are you?
I hope some place happy...some place beautiful.
"Look deep inside of your soul, there you will find something to believe in".
I will not be back for a few days.....but I will be back...and hopefully, you will be too.
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6
To Andre:
You are not to be found...I don't know.
I will be up here once more to see if you have come up.
After that...that's my goodbye...
I hope you're doing okay, I am starting my job soon. I will be working two of them, 60 hours a week.
I will be gone after that...there will be no time for anything else..
Well, I hope you're okay..
Talk to me if you need to!
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7
To Andre:
I didn't come up to write in the book but I decided to do it anyway...
I was driving, made it to about Exit 4, was originally headed to Little Italy, to sit and get myself some coffee but I drew weary and turned off onto 9w and was passing here and said, I feel like writing to him...
So here I am writing.
For the first time in a long time, I feel happiness in my life, I feel content.
I went and spoke with a lady, the other day last week. I paid myself, so no one in my family would know. Hey, I'm supposed to be the strong one, but some day's I just really miss you!
I sit up here tonight, the sun gone, the wind not blowing, the water peaceful, calm and eerie and yet I feel exactly like the world right now.
I wonder where you have been...reminds me of part of my reasoning for "us" not working, because you would go missing...doing your own thing and I would never know where you were...or understand it.
Here and today, I do understand.
I hope your parents are doing well and I hope France wins the world cup. Happy.
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8
To Andre:
Thought you said you would be up, guess I was wrong?!
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9
To Andre:
Why do I bother walking up this hill in 90 degree weather to write in a book I'm writing to myself?
I will not be walking up this hill again.
This right here is my goodbye.
Never forget how much I care about you but I have to close here.
Take care of yourself.
I wish you would have wrote to me.
Love always....
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10
To Andre:
I tried one more time...I will now take my last walk down this hill.
You also said to call you and lay everything on the line...
I did just that...no response!
If you were to ask me how I am...I am not good.
I am not good at all.
My mind and emotions are completely shot.
I am lost.
The fog is coming in around me, so here I go..
Goodbye...
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